A Blast from the Past
Every couple years or so, my parents clear out more of the boxes they've kept around that are full of our childhood / teenage things. They have given me a few things over the years but today, they gave me one with all the 14-15 year old crazy inside.
My journals...
and notes passed from my friends in high school...
AND OMG WAS IT MESSSSSSSYYYYYYYYYYYY.
LOL
I have this recurring thought in present day - who would I be if I hadn't been so obsessed with romance and relationships as a young person?
As someone who chooses to remain free of romance now and very intentionally forever (and THRIVING thanks to that choice) - it's crazy to me how obsessed I was from my early teen years up until my early 30s.
And I know we can't change the past but I do wonder where I would be, what I would have accomplished if I hadn't been so focused on something that only brought me pain in the end and nothing to show for it.
Yes, I will always have the good memories, and bad, but I could have done so much more, been so much more so much earlier...
With this experience, it's why I find it dangerous to condition and socialize young people to value romance above other things like education and skill building, networking, community engagement, etc.
For women especially who grew up in those days of the disney princesses and then the 2000s (it was really horrible looking back), it was a RUDE awakening to find out how awful men were and could be and what the "real world" was like - outside of our childhood disney bubbles.
Oy vey...
So, I had an interesting hour sorting through the box full of journal entries and folded notes, decided what to keep for now and what to rip up and throw away :)
I know I made the wrong choice in the past (with regards to romance/relationships) every time but if I went back without any hindsight, I'd make the same choices again.
There's no point to spending time wishing that I had made different choices. I'd be a very different person if I had, but then I wouldn't be me that I am today perhaps. Perhaps if I had made better choices, I'd be stuck in a situation that I hadn't thought through or didn't want anymore. So perhaps because of the bad choices I made then, I'm able to live the life I am now.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...